I’m sorry.

Originally posted on thingsmyexsaid:
Suddenly, whatever is happening on your Monday isn’t going to seem so bad… You’re welcome.

Pets are Cockblockers

I got a new dog the other day. It wasn’t my choice. He’s a big black “lab” (yeah right, he has at least a little pit bull), slobbers, cowers in fear of EVERYTHING, and occasionally gets aroused from belly rubs making it really awkward, really fast. He also smells strongly of nachos. Meet George. Let’s…

God Hates Me

Or he thinks it’s just really funny to mess with me. This totally happened. Was walking my dog, wondering why I never date. Met a cute guy fishing who asked for my number. Texted me later that night asking for sexy bathing suit photos. Fail.