The Strangest U.S. Sex Laws

Adultery is illegal in New York, Iowans have to keep kisses to five minutes or less, and you can’t keep more than two dildos in the house in Arizona.

The wizards of iO9 have done the world a favor and collected the most bizarre sex laws still on the books in the United States. Unlike other sources, it appears they did some real research. So rest assured that while they may not actually be prosecuted these days, you could already be a lawbreaker.

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The link to I09’s complete list of verified and bizarre sex laws are here. Here are a few of my favorites (with my reactions):

Alabama: Incestuous marriages are legal. (Explains a lot)

Alaska: Moose are banned from having sex on city streets (in Fairbanks). (Who’s going to enforce that one? I picture a proper British gentleman whacking a moose on the rump with his cane shouting, “Get off old boy! Get off I say!”

Illinois: If you sell a reptile, you must give a written warning not to “nuzzle or kiss” them. (I’d like to see what horrific incident necessitated that law. Hopefully it’s something like, “The case of Milo’s World of Reptiles versus the Free Spirit Rainbow Unicorn Sparkle Nudist Colony”)

Indiana: It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public. (As if puberty isn’t rough enough, now boy’s unexpected surprises have legal consequences)

Louisiana: Necrophilia is legal. (IS THIS JUST AN ACCIDENTAL OMISSION OR DID SOME JUDGE ACTUALLY SAY, “Oh yeah, I’m cool with that.”?!!)

judge judy

Judge Judy knows all.

Michigan: Low-riding pants that expose underwear are a Class B offense. But if they expose butt cleavage, they’re a Class A offense. (In Flint.) (Would love to see someone contest this in court, which hopefully would involve “experts” having to define butt cleavage, to include skin measurements, lighting,  circumstances of arrest, and witness testimony)

New Mexico: Nudity is allowed as long as genitals and female nipples are covered. (So instead of no shirt, no shoes, no service signs, they just post reminders to wear your thong and pasties?)

South Carolina: If a man promises to marry a woman and she sleeps with him, the marriage must take place. (AWESOME SAUCE)

South Dakota: Public erections are illegal. (The war on pubescent boys and creepy guys at the park continues)

Utah: An adult cannot show sex paraphernalia to a minor, unless they’re your own child. (In Salt Lake City.) (Keep it in the family)

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