Home economics has never really been my forte, despite my strenuous and rather awkward efforts…as evidenced by a favorite berry tart having to be renamed “Fireman’s Tart” after an unfortunate incident in grad school.
My lack of domestic goddess-ness may be due to an inability to pay attention to anything requiring an attention span beyond 15 seconds…or it may be due to scarring from my old Middle School Home Economics teacher. She was a very, very large woman with a brusque manner and the fattest, most hairy forearms I have ever seen. She would do her kitchen demonstrations while we all sat, mesmerized, watching those forearms to ensure none of the long, black hairs ended up in the food we would be required to taste test.
Now I’ve reached an age where society demands I live alone and feed myself. Eating out for every meal isn’t financially feasible, so I’ve had to teach myself to cook. I survived the first couple years after college by subsisting on ramen, fried potatoes and string cheese. As my salary slowly increased, I was able to tack on cold cereal and milk.
It’s time for me to improve my home economic skills. But I’d like them tailored for my lifestyle preferences, food choices, and preference for things that explode. Therefore, I would like someone out there to write the book: “Subversive Home Economics”. I just don’t have the attention span.
Chapter 1: Weaponizing kitchen spices
Chapter 2: Endagered species and household pets – the underrated alternative meats!
Chapter 3: Moltov cocktails and other after-dinner drinks